R.Roldan-Roldan (or David Haize)

R.Roldan-Roldan (or David Haize). Brazilian author. Born in Spain. Grew up in Morocco. French education. Lives in Brazil. Ten years stuck in a city-state for being stateless. Cosmopolitan. Internationalist. Militant. Libertarian. Hedonistic. “Cursed writer”. He gave up his job (manager for a corporation) in order to write and he has known hunger. 31 published books (novels, short stories, theatre, poetry, epistolary). Writes social, politics and cinema articles for a newspaper. His literature is surrealist and focuses on identity, sex, exile, metalanguage, silence, existential search for meaning and fury of living. He loves art. One philosopher: Nietzsche. One poet: Rimbaud. One novelist: Stendhal. One playwright: Euripides. One movies director: Visconti. One film: Il Gattopardo. One actress: Vanessa Redgrave. One actor: Javier Bardem. One singer: Léo Ferré. One composer: Beethoven. One painter: Hieronymus Bosch. One folklore: russian. One city: Paris. One culture: french.
His books (not all of them) can be found on www.authorcentral.amazon.com
His blog: www.davidhaize.wordpress.com
On Linkedin: R.Roldan-Roldan
On Facebook: Rod Roldan-Roldan
On Twitter: @davidhaize
February, 9, 2016

Book II

THE LAST FALLEN LEAVES

To the losers

I help myself to material and immaterial,
No guard can shut me off, no law prevent me.
Walt Whitman (in Song of Myself)

I

Unidentity

Sons of Whitman sons of Poe
sons of Lorca & Rimbaud
or their dark daughters
poets of another breath
poets of another vision
Who among you will speaks of revolution
Who among you still unscrews
the lock of the doors
in this revisionist decade?
Lawrence Ferlinghetti (in Adieu à Charlot)

God
why don’t you apologize
for making me unachievable?

***

I started with what shall I be
I switched into what should I be
then I changed to what am I
the answer is still the same

***

Am I a reality?
Am I a truth?
I don’t even know my shape
nor the light of my name

***

Father
are you absent?
your silence forgets
I am made of words

***

Time of mirrors is over
I want to be alone
play the silence of being
touch my soul
find out my name

***

Such a solid absence
dragging on emptiness
whenever I ask mother Earth
the smell of memory

***

Sweet swallow coming back home
without the feeling of your land
searching among your blood
the whistle of your name

***

Deep in the abyss
where heart becomes clear
where thoughts disappear
where light springs up
I shall be

***

Why such a hurry without a smile
ask me my name
should I exist
the end is always the same

***

I was dreaming I was a bird
flying into the sky of my wings
when the wind made me discover
I was just crossing the space of my feet

***

I was flying among suns and glorious nights
within the density of my soul
when the angels were named words
and the ground desire

***

Since I have been absent from my soul
tell me brother
what is the name of this land
where silence has been banished from?

***

Lonesome fighter
lost among your brothers
where have you left the sun of your seeds?

***

Your love does not tell me my name
your face does not show me my feelings
your country does not state me my land
your peace does not indicate me my way

***

I had been looking for a mirror named identity
full of dust I found out the glass
where no face answered me
I just gave up my search
when I grasped my number
don’t blame me
pragmatism seized me

***

Where have they gone the last fallen leaves
through dust and light
I have been looking for them
silence and haze
dark watches me

***

Like words losing their meaning
among mist and breeze
I saw the sparkling shadows
answering my fallen loves
sliding away
beyond the windows of the night

***

Sweet flight of dream
drifting among lost skies
blow up my oars of reality
erase my false name
take me far away
call me flying tree
I have got wings and roots in my heart
and no land in my mind

***

Fate is late
faith tell me anything
time has a date
hell or heaven just words
there is only one gate

***

Frozen dreams in my heart
forgotten landscapes in my mind
toys in the attic delivered to time
a taste of silence
a sound of oblivion

***

I got a muzzled smile
an official number
and no shadow of a name
why should I identify my ghost
oh father Sun forgive me
I dropped out my anger
I miss your heat

***

Naked body naked walls
some tea some rice
a window a sand garden
the rain the silence
my dialogue

***

The road and I
maybe a song a tale
origin/destination unknown
maybe a tear a smile
time rushing
the road and I

***

Words
just words
trying to hide away my prison
vanishing shadows of a game
words
just tired words
springing up again
dropping off hope
when the rainy sunset shakes my soul

***

Under the rain
when father Sun hides his smile
when night shows up
just pull off the mask
and walk along with your own words
wishing nothing but the deep call of heart
overthere
where land marries your skin
joy or sorrow of being
name your soul and wait for the wind

***

No flag
no roots
just wings without destination
and the unsealed destiny
more than a escape
less than a choice
maybe a freak from the stars

***

Remember the song of the Earth
when water was clean
when the sky was blue
I used to trust the word loyalty
remember oh my son
when I was an animal
when I was a man

***

Never mind if I am coming from an old lie
I got courage to walk alone into my truth
never mind if the price is high
being proud I do not ask
I pay for

***

Dark bird of passion
flying over the unknown feelings
tell father Sun
I am waiting for my release
to rise my beloved Liberty
and sing her glory

***

Far away
beyond mountains and oceans
in that clear land where I may breathe
where my body follows the sound of the trees
without fear of being myself
without shame of using my own words

***

Be strong
be mad
delete your mask
escape from the cage
destroy it
and tell the daisies the Sun is your father

***

Words are a game
not a shame
passion may be just a word
seeking after its own name
which happens to be just a word

***

Past tense
old tree blue song golden child
present tense
broken roots unfinished desires
and the desperate journey into my blood

***

Far away from today
in that golden land
where gods get drunk
beyond everything which has a name
I shall clear my screen
forget what I learned
start again
clean

***

Drop out the word never
erase the word always
maybe you will find my place
near the lake
under the moonlight
around the fire
among the wizards

***

Lord of peace love flesh and desire
Lord of universe
being the son of father Sun
I proclaim the honor of being myself
make me good
make me fuck

***

Done
settled with a single word
no
farewell poet
print in your heart
the embargo of being yourself

***

Tell me the sound of hope
I am so blind when I look at the human kind
that I am afraid to forget the smell of love

***

Last night I met the other one
somewhere in the world
crying like a kid
looking for his own voice
in the dark exile of the just one

***

I remember you
sweet faith of youth
passing by with a name
when I was more than a tag
in the land of the frozen masks

***

Don’t ever follow me
I’ve got the madness of freedom
between flesh and skin
you may get lost
before you discover the meaning of my steps

***

Keep out your gods saints heroes chamans
and your fucking auto-help books
I’m just seeking out the wisdom of love
no need for trash to fill out emptiness

***

Old Revolution time
taste of dream
when we used to forbid to forbid
and forget what we learned
smell of oblivion
when dawn is red

***

The joy of being
makes me cry
when the rage of living
makes me angry

***

A time for me
under the rain
following the wind
facing solitude
mad of being

***

Don’t mix up dream and austerity
it’s an explosive
and yet it’s my way
Fire!

***

My grandfather used to hate the King
my father God
I hate Globalization

***

I don’t feel like going shopping
when soul business
is calling me home

***

Don’t be afraid
although my soul is the only reality
I don’t represent any social danger
times have changed
TV now replaces the gibbet

***

Once upon a time
some men used to be great
nowadays they are all big
Lord pray for the Pig

***

Please respect my rights
I don’t want anything
except wishing nothing

***

I made my way
throughout stupidity
without stopping for revelations

***

I am sick
I was blind
I drank a certain globalization
I feel like a termite

***

Don’t teach me profit
I kept my wings
and although I still don’t know how to live
it’s too early to die

***

Oh Lord forgive my pride
they still need heroes
while I’m just looking for silence

***

Since heaven is tired
the last youth is pressing me
beyond any reference
for life is short and nothing may happen
except existing

***

Why don’t they forgive love?
why do they only accept what they learned?
oh safety of stupidity
murdering passion

***

Brothers of mind
forgive me
I hate heroes and mediocrity
and yet I’m doing nothing except writing

***

I am thirsty
and god is gone
who could tell me
the way to Water?

***

Life is just an instant
death eternity
hold me on the edge of the abyss
while I’m still dressed up by light
love me please

***

II
Love

Love – thou art Veiled –
A few – behold thee –
Smile – and alter – and prattle – and die –
Bliss – were an Oddity – without thee –
Nicknamed by God –
Eternity –
Emily Dickinson (in Love – thou art high -)

The voice of my heart denies
the reason of my mind
and my eyes refusing discipline
light up a single word
stay

***

Sometimes
when my fingers
are unable to reach your lips
when my ears
are unable to describe the sound of your words
when my eyes
are unable to seize the light of your look
love is named pain

***

All these feelings
dragging on my heart
burning my soul
scaring my mind
resumed in a single word
love
***

Put away your mask
delete your make-up
overcome your fear
show me love

***

Why are you so far away
and so close your skin?
Why is your voice a joke
and a truth your eyes?
Why are words an easy game
and love a painful call?

***

Come
let me lay my dream on your smile
let me fly into the sky of your hope
let me grasp the color of your words
let me pick up the flowers of your silence
let me be for a second the madness of your desire
come

***

Sweet sin of my dream
come down to me
I shall fly to the land of love
with fear far away from me

***

Where have you been
shadow of desire
I rode through the night
without drinking your smell
please come
I’m still wild

***

Let your lips
climb my lingam
let your tongue
be the tide of my sperm
enter the Word upon my soul

***

Here is my Body
lick him
suck him
let him enter yours
enjoy him before the sunset
for life is short and the answer unknown

***

Such a long time without tasting your skin
such a long time without reading your mind
such a long time without testing your heart

***

And when your tongue creates
among drops and grass
the roads to my body
up to my lingam’s heights
picturing the perfum of my spasm
I coagulate the taste of life
beyond the instant

***

Don’t wait for an answer
when my fingers are unable to connect your skin
don’t expect tenderness
when flesh doesn’t catch fire
don’t knock on my heart
when you seize your feelings

***

Gone time of love
when my body was free
when yours was free
when bodies were available
before fear made them just a long distance voice
closing the century

***

Lonesome night
I feel your mouth over there
and on my belly your hair
but it’s just a short flight
before my right hand plays love
with the remaining of desire
to fill the empty side

***

Love
come
make me spring up
oh angel of identity
within my name
beyond eternity

***

Under the moonlight
like a holy animal waiting for you
with my heights up to heaven
to fulfill your desire

***

Tomorrow is already turning over the page of your face
and yet today I’m still painting the killing of love
and yesterday is becoming the whiteness of emptiness

***

Not even a stolen kiss
not even a frozen dream
just the naked night
including your absence
excluding love

***

I shall be there
in the endless land of Words
picking up the flowers of desire
in the silence of your eyes
crossing the landscape of your body

***

Round trip love
first leg
champagne dream caviar
second leg
some drops of gall in emptiness

***

And yet beloved love
waiting without hoping
searching the tune of roots
before destination

***

Love
one way trip
no luggage but light dust fever
and some coins of memory

***

And yet imperial love
lightening the fire of universe
banishing lies
springing up the Verb

***

It must be love
such a trembling skin
such a flying heart
the pregnant word
and the silence of the loser
naming that strange feeling
that must be love

***

Love under silence
crowed and wet
wearing the desperate song
of the lonesome rider
searching out his own voice

***

Come on
tell me the legend of the wind
when it blows up your heart
too heavy for flying
too light for staying

***

So take my hand
and taste the smell of my flight
far away from the Termite’s land
riding among angels and shine
the carnal words

***

Kiss me through my words
touch me through my look
I shall drink the breath of your eyes
and rest for the rest of my passion

***

Stop asking what you know
don’t you see love dazzling?
Stop asking for time
don’t you see life running away?
oh bring me roses and wine
and step into my heart before dawn

***

I
lonesome knight-errant
on the dazzle road
offer you the unreachable land of the words
where love has no name

***

Oh love
love that glitters
over passion or light
among gods
in the endless sky of the lost desires
listen to my heart
opening the gate of the abyss

***

Should I die gathering words
should I lie to my truth
should I cry my transgression
please post my love
before the end of my term

***

Go ahead
tell me I cannot
say it is forbidden
I want the knife of life on my throat
transgression

***

Oh Lord
the world fills me
and yet I am empty
please give me silence

***

So far so close
so deep so cold
oh autumn wind
sweeping away the remaining feelings
like the last fallen leaves
while the whistle blows
in the last station of my heart

***

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